Summertime Regrets

It’s the last week of August, and you haven’t finished everything you wanted to do this summer. You’re not alone.

Photo by Manuel Meurisse on Unsplash

Us ADHD folks tend to have big ambitions for what we think we can achieve in a short period. A great case in point is summer. How many of us have endless ideas of all the fun things we’ll do with the nice weather and long days, only to be disappointed as September rolls around and we realize we have barely made a dent in our list?

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Maybe you thought you’d have gone to the beach a few more times, or to the pool, or made it to the summer fair. Perhaps you missed every Farmer’s Market despite intending to go every week. Or you wanted to go on a fun camping trip but didn’t get around to booking a site or digging your tent and gear out of storage. These are a handful of my summer regrets.

Summer has so much potential for fun, but when we set our expectations high for having a picture-perfect summer doing ALL THE THINGS, we can quickly find ourselves disappointed and feeling FOMO.

My theory around why this happens is three-fold. First, many of us don’t have a realistic sense of time due to executive dysfunction. We think of summer as having endless amounts of time and make a list to match. Second, when there’s a massive list of activities to choose from, we find it overwhelming to decide where to start. Finally, we may still have the vision of summer that was created in our childhood. Back then, all the responsibilities of school were suspended for two whole months, which felt like forever, and in retrospect, it seemed like we were constantly doing fun stuff.

Photo by Jurica Koletić on Unsplash

As adults, it’s tough to fit everything in. Things come up, and even if you have some time off work, the rest of your life doesn’t stop for summer vacation. With other deficits in our executive skills like planning and prioritizing, memory, task initiation, and organization, it makes sense that making summer productive is challenging.

If you’ve found yourself in this last week of August feeling like you’ve wasted time, missed out, or regret not doing more, here are some things you can do.

Remember that it is ok for summer to be about rest rather than doing.
Part of the point of summer vacation is to slow down and take a break to restore ourselves. As I mentioned, it’s tricky if you don’t have time off work, but it’s worth keeping in mind as you feel pressure to fit in more and more activities.

Repeat after me: rest is a valuable and important thing to spend time on!

Let yourself feel the disappointment without beating yourself up about it.
Allow yourself to feel bummed even though it feels crummy. I know feeling disappointed sucks, but you’re resilient, and you can handle it. Letting yourself feel the disappointment helps you process it and let it go.

An important thing to avoid while feeling disappointed is kicking yourself for not having made everything happen. That won’t help you undo the past or move you forward— it only creates shame and other negative feelings about yourself.

You’re human. You didn’t do everything you wanted, and that is disappointing. But it is also ok.

Get curious.
Spend no more than 5 minutes writing out what you didn’t do that you wish you had. Then, ask yourself what you did instead of those activities from an objective place of curiosity, no judgment. Pretend you’re a researcher collecting data. Were there other fun activities you did this summer? Did you rest instead?

Next, ask yourself what obstacles got in the way of those activities. Was it that the event happened on a day you were already booked? Or perhaps you had a choice between doing that activity and another one you were also excited about, and the other one won out instead?

Maybe you have a list of 15 things you wanted to do, but now you realize there are only, like, nine weekends in those two months. You might even recall that, at the time, the activity didn’t feel as important to you as something else. Maybe it didn’t feel like it was worth the effort, and it’s only in retrospect, without considering the practicalities involved, that it seems appealing.

Start looking for evidence that you did some fun things this summer that you’ll look back on and enjoy, even if they are small.

Our brains have a bias toward the negative, which helps us anticipate danger and stay safe. Unfortunately, it also means that we have to put effort into practicing positive thinking so we can benefit from all the happiness and great neurochemicals that come along with it.

Let’s get your brain some dopamine and serotonin. A surefire way to do that is to practice noticing and feeling gratitude for the good things that did happen.

Did you enjoy a really excellent iced coffee while sitting in the sun on your break? Maybe your favourite summer flowers were blooming down the street, and you got to see them. Or perhaps you watched a sunset and marvelled at the incredible pink and orange hues. An ice cream cone. Reading a great book. Laughing with your friends at dusk while you savour the delicious smells from the barbecue.

Spend some time here and enjoy. Don’t rush.

What great things come to mind from your summer? What memories are you happy to be taking with you?

Photo by James Balensiefen on Unsplash

Thanks for reading, friends.

PS: for a bit of bonus dopamine, what are three things you’re looking forward to about autumn?

Hi, I’m Megan!

I help adults with ADHD understand their unique brains and discover what’s holding them back so we can develop knowledge, tools, and strategies that support their success.